During the Christmas break we stayed at the YWAM base in Harpenden for a month. My Dad worked for the entire break on the new kitchen; he's so amazing. He single handedly knocked down a wall and installed a brand new kitchen. The night before I left to go back to Uni was first meal we ate around a table in our new kitchen. Neither Luton or Harpenden are what I would call 'home', but my family is my home. I love them so much. I love my Mum. She is my best friend and someone that I can share anything with, someone who I trust to give me correct guidance, someone who points out my flaws in love and points me back on the right path. I love my Dad. He is my hero, someone who is always hardworking, someone who laughs at adversity and causes me to laugh with him. I love Mary. She's a complete weirdo and so annoying, but there is just something about her that makes her impossible to get rid of. She is my best friend, the person who knows me better than anyone else, and one of the main influencers in my journey with the Lord. Johnny is my joy. He never fails to make me laugh until my sides are burning, he's so steadfast and faithful. And though he is younger than me, I look up to him and admire him so much. Elise is my babe. She is strong willed and very talented. She bakes the best food in the world.
I had a wonderful Christmas break, filled with so much laughter and love. I left my family a week before my Uni started to sort of settle back in and do some extra course reading. It was a very interesting week full of ups and downs. I was quite ill and I felt everything all at once. I did not do the reading I was going to do, but I did finally open up my Etsy shop! Katie had been telling me for months that I needed to open it and I had everything pretty much ready, but I was just afraid to open it. But nothing is ever as scary as it seems and I'm really happy that I have finally done it.
I have so much to say, but I wrote this blog post in parts; I started it in the first week of January and it's already February 13th. So much has happened, but I can't seem to organise my thoughts. Time is a funny thing. It seems to me that time just keeps going faster and faster. It has exponential growth - the longer I live, the quicker it just passes by. It's strange that last week seems like ages ago and what was happening a year ago is a world away. I can't hold onto time, it has a mind of it's own.
Time has a way of letting me know I'm not in control, and for that I'm grateful.
I have had this song on replay for weeks now - Psalm 46 by Shane and Shane. Psalm 46 is one of my favourite psalms and has been my comfort through some of the hardest times of my life. I am in a season of turmoil right now. My heart is heavy and I have lost my voice. I miss the place and the people I used to call home. I miss Hunter so much. I miss just going to his house whenever I was feeling down or bored or anything. I miss getting ice cream at Toko Lancar. I miss playing in the rain and climbing trees. I miss playing soccer with my favourite people and laughing so hard I couldn't run. I miss my motorbike. I miss knowing what I was doing, who I was, and how to relate to others. I miss my classmates, those weirdos never failed to make me laugh daily. I miss Jeremy and watching The Flash with him during English class. I miss the Mountainview campus, a place that all too often was my sanctuary. I miss the sun and being warm. I could go on and on and fill pages with lists of things that I miss, but I will exercise self control and stop here. The Lord is good to me, always patient and gracious. I'm learning to trust in him completely - my strength, my portion.
Psalm 46:1-5
Gos is our refuge and strength,
an ever-present help in trouble.
Therefore we will not fear, though the earth give way
and the mountains fall into the heart of the sea,
though its waters roar and foam
and the mountains quake with their surging.
There is a river whose streams make glad the city of God,
the holy place where the Most High dwells.
God is within her, she will not fall;
God will help her at the break of day.
I praise God for Skype and Messenger! I have Skyped Katie so much since I got back from Christmas break. We are literally in the same boat and it's encouraging to know that I'm not alone in what I'm feeling. It's great to share and encourage one another. Katie is like the coolest person in the world and I am so thankful for our friendship, so thankful to have someone who understands. She inspires me to write my blog and write with transparency. Go read her blog now, because it's so amazing I aspire to write like her.
I am still in love with my course, but the work load is catching up with me. It's only the third week back and I'm already behind on my work. I have to do a deep and meaningful art project and I quite honestly have no idea what I'm doing. I am wishing I was better at digital painting, but I just have to practice. So much of art is discipline. You have to practice everyday, that's the only way you are going to improve.
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