Beauty and Grace

Before I say anything, I need to thank Maria. I had been wanting to do a ballet photoshoot with her for a while, but as the end of the semester was getting closer it was harder to find a time that we were both free to shoot. We ended up having this shoot in the beginning of November in 4°C weather. I would like to thank her for wearing this dress for about 2 hours in the freezing cold. Originally she was less than thrilled about the idea of doing a dance photoshoot, but I was persistent. After the photoshoot I did feel horribly guilty about putting Maria through such a gruelling experience. But Maria was absolutely wonderful and braved the cold with a smile on her face and with such a gracious attitude. I am so proud of her and amazed at how talented she is. 

Ok, I'm not done talking about how fab Maria is. When we were looking through the photos together she was being so critical of her form and I was just like, 'what? You seriously look amazing in all of these I don't see what's wrong with it.' But Maria is a perfectionist and I admire that. I just have nothing but love and respect for her. I have her to thank for showering my photos with beauty and grace. 

I really want to find a photography buddy. Someone who I can go on photography adventures with and who will model for me. Someone who I can have a mutually inspirational and supportive relationship with. I have had so much inspiration this semester to take photos, but I don't really have people to take photos of and I'm rubbish at self-portraits. A few of my closest friends love photography and are incredibly talented, but they just don't live in the same country. One of the things I want most is for us to take a photography road trip. Catherine, Dakota, Elysea, and Katie, I'm talking to you. 

This past semester has been a rollercoaster, and honestly it has been harder than I thought it would be. I am on my Christmas break right now and I am trying to make the most of every minute as they flies by. But I absolutely love my course. There is no where else I would rather be, there is no other subject that fits so perfectly with me. I love learning, putting it all into practice, creating and being surrounded by creative people. I have found so much support within my course. There have been so many times where I learn a theory and I just have an "ohhhh that explains so much" moment. My course mates are also so caring and lovely. 

Towards the end of the semester I had 3 2,500 word essays to write (and I'm still not done with one of them). They were so hard to write and I was so stressed, but now that I'm pretty much done, in a way I can't wait for my other assignments next semester. I know that this feeling won't last so I'll just enjoy it while it's here. For my course I have to write reflections for every single class and it really helps you realise things you didn't notice before, dissect your actions and thoughts, and get to the core of why something happened. So retrospectively writing these blog posts is proving to be quite eye opening. I don't want to overshare or be too personal and specific now, but I am beginning to treasure looking back on the past few months and trying to put into words some of my experiences and thoughts. I do keep a journal, but I write in it daily and once a day is past I rarely bring it up again. 

I have mixed feelings about going back to university after this break. The days are going by so quickly sometimes I just wish time would stand still. I would freeze the moments with the people I love and carry them with me always. But I suppose that is what photography is for. 

I have done a bit of work on my Etsy shop. I have so many new listings to add, but the weather has been so bad I haven't been able to get good pictures of the artwork. This is just an excuse, an obstacle that could be overcome. I don't know what it is, but there is something holding me back from clicking the "open now" button. I am very close though and I am at the point where I can't do it for myself otherwise it will never get done, so Katie I dedicate my shop to you. 

I have been creating constantly. I have so many ideas that find their way into my mind I am forever jotting sketches in my sketchbook. It is filled with projects, both that I haven't started and that I have finished. Once in class I was so bored and then suddenly a photography concept came to mind so I started sketching the images and working out how I would achieve them. By the time the class was over I had about 20 ideas and concepts for a photography project. Now I either have to find a model or tackle the obstacle that is self-portraits. 

Christmas was wonderful. I love my family more than words could describe. Spending time with them was what really made my Christmas special. So much laughter and love. Christmas day was carefree and joyful, I was sad to say goodbye to that magical day. I'll hold onto it, cherish it in my heart, and it will keep me warm in the lonely days. 

One transition that I am finding it hard to adjust to is being an 'adult'. I am not good at being responsible for myself. But I find all my peace and comfort in knowing that I have a heavenly Father who is perfectly faithful and constant. I am never forsaken or alone. This is just a truth that I have to hold onto. I can't get distracted or listen to lies. 

Romans 12:2

Do not conform to the pattern of this world, 

but be transformed by the renewing of your mind. 

Then you will be able to test and approve what God’s will is

—his good, pleasing and perfect will.

2016 brought joy and heartache. In 2016 I fell in love with art, my parents became my best friends, and I actually began to enjoy exercise. 2016 taught me to lean on God and trust him for everything. Am I thankful that this chapter is coming to an end and that it's time to move on to another year? I don't know. But I know that God is good, he always has been and he always will be. So I'm not afraid to let go of the past and welcome the coming year with all it has in store for me. Here's to the new year. 

I hope you have enjoyed these pictures of Maria and that my commentary was at the very least entertaining. (I personally love reading blogs where people are super open about their life, because I'm just nosy.) 

The Colours of October

This blog post is long overdue. I would like to say I have been really busy but I honestly haven't been that busy. I have just been  constantly tired and unmotivated. I suppose that sounds like I am unhappy, but I'm honestly not. I am in the vast area between restless and content. I am happy, satisfied, and grateful to be where I am, but I'd rather be anywhere but here. I don't even know where 'here' is it changes far too often. I am learning to be thankful in every season.

 I am delighted to introduce Maria. Isn't she so beautiful? She is a fellow international student from Cyprus studying dance on my course with me. I am so blessed to have met her, she's so full of laughter with a heart of gold. 

 Golden light inspires me. If I let a day with perfect lighting go by without taking photos I always feel like in a way it is wasted. This photoshoot was completely unplanned. I saw the golden light shining through my window and needed a shoot. I sent Maria a message just wondering if she was free and she graciously agreed to be my model. Being a model is honestly quite hard and definitely uncomfortable, so I am really grateful that Maria agreed as she really makes quite a fab model. 

 I have been falling more and more in love with my course. I am feeling comfortable with my course mates and it is so exciting to learn all this new information. It is a wonderful thing to study subjects that make my heart happy. 

 My insomnia has gone crazy since coming to university. I have endured way too many sleepless nights which leads me to depend fully on Jesus (and a little bit of coffee). Life is quiet and slow and yet the days fly by, in the blink of an eye the months are over. 

 I have been doing a lot of painting recently. I dabbled in creating an digital animation, but it takes so long I need a whole lot of motivation and determination. Glen Keane is my hero  and inspiration I want to be like him when I grow up. 

 This is the first time I have experienced seasons changing in 11 years. It's crazy and wonderfully intriguing. I am fascinated by the different colours in the leaves. Autumn is seriously such a beautiful season it has been a privilege to witness it's splendour. But the leaves didn't stop falling and before I could fully take in all of the colours, they were gone. I am learning the art of letting go. I find myself thinking of Indonesia way too often, but my heart doesn't belong there. Pieces of my heart are scattered across the world with the people I love. Who knew I would ever form any kind of attachment to the US Navy, or get excited whenever I see the University of Penn State advertised in random pictures and places. I  somehow find comfort in knowing that eventually I am going to pack my bags and go and these days will become fond memories and I will grow to love the people I meet here. 

 I have learned that University is what you make it. You have the choice whether or not you want to get as much as possible out of it. I don't regret my choices so far, but next year I think I will join my societies. This semester though I wanted to focus on my course and learning and reading as much as possible. I did find myself with a bit too much free time and not enough social interaction though. Skype has kept me going through times of loneliness and needing to be myself. I am blessed to have people in this world that make me laugh until my abs burn, that encourage me, that know me. 

 Art has been my comfort. Previously I thought that I was never truly able to express myself through art, but I realise now that I did. When I was happy I did and when I wasn't I didn't create. Now I create in the midst of all this chaos. Art has helped me grieve loss and come to terms with current circumstances. I have so many ideas for art projects, but until I get off my butt and do them they will remain simply ideas. I want to create an interactive art therapy journal filled with writing and drawing prompts, quotes, and colouring pages. I want to finally open my Etsy shop after working on it for so long, but for some reason being afraid to click the 'open now' button. 

 Jesus is good to me and his grace is all I want and all I need. He is always faithful and he will never change no matter where I am. I am thankful that he is the one constant I can always depend on. I am fully known and loved by him and that just completely covers any kind of discomfort I experience

I am on my Christmas break right now and I have been writing and ending photos in the lovely Oval Cafe in Harpenden. I never realised how easy it is work in a cafe. I don't know what it is, but the atmosphere just helps me focus. I have been so productive today. I am almost done with my last essay assignment, I finished editing another set of photos, added more listings to my Etsy shop, and I have the next few blog posts lined up. 

 It's December now, but I have been thinking back to October when these pictures were taken. The past is a lovely place to visit, but I don't want to live there. It's crazy how things change, I feel so different now just two months later. I actually read a book about this for one of my classes and Chapter 1 tackled the question, 'can we truly change and if yes, then how so?' But to be honest I don't remember enough of it to try to explain the psychological theories. My brain is on holiday mode which isn't helping with writing my essays. Note to self: finish your essays before you go home for break. 

 Ok I think I'll save the rest of my thoughts and musings for the nest post.  Enjoy these pictures and my random commentary.:)