Friday, 16 December 2016

The Colours of October

This blog post is long overdue. I would like to say I have been really busy but I honestly haven't been that busy. I have just been  constantly tired and unmotivated. I suppose that sounds like I am unhappy, but I'm honestly not. I am in the vast area between restless and content. I am happy, satisfied, and grateful to be where I am, but I'd rather be anywhere but here. I don't even know where 'here' is it changes far too often. I am learning to be thankful in every season.
 I am delighted to introduce Maria. Isn't she so beautiful? She is a fellow international student from Cyprus studying dance on my course with me. I am so blessed to have met her, she's so full of laughter with a heart of gold. 
 Golden light inspires me. If I let a day with perfect lighting go by without taking photos I always feel like in a way it is wasted. This photoshoot was completely unplanned. I saw the golden light shining through my window and needed a shoot. I sent Maria a message just wondering if she was free and she graciously agreed to be my model. Being a model is honestly quite hard and definitely uncomfortable, so I am really grateful that Maria agreed as she really makes quite a fab model. 
 I have been falling more and more in love with my course. I am feeling comfortable with my course mates and it is so exciting to learn all this new information. It is a wonderful thing to study subjects that make my heart happy. 
 My insomnia has gone crazy since coming to university. I have endured way too many sleepless nights which leads me to depend fully on Jesus (and a little bit of coffee). Life is quiet and slow and yet the days fly by, in the blink of an eye the months are over. 
 I have been doing a lot of painting recently. I dabbled in creating an digital animation, but it takes so long I need a whole lot of motivation and determination. Glen Keane is my hero  and inspiration I want to be like him when I grow up. 
 This is the first time I have experienced seasons changing in 11 years. It's crazy and wonderfully intriguing. I am fascinated by the different colours in the leaves. Autumn is seriously such a beautiful season it has been a privilege to witness it's splendour. But the leaves didn't stop falling and before I could fully take in all of the colours, they were gone. I am learning the art of letting go. I find myself thinking of Indonesia way too often, but my heart doesn't belong there. Pieces of my heart are scattered across the world with the people I love. Who knew I would ever form any kind of attachment to the US Navy, or get excited whenever I see the University of Penn State advertised in random pictures and places. I  somehow find comfort in knowing that eventually I am going to pack my bags and go and these days will become fond memories and I will grow to love the people I meet here. 
 I have learned that University is what you make it. You have the choice whether or not you want to get as much as possible out of it. I don't regret my choices so far, but next year I think I will join my societies. This semester though I wanted to focus on my course and learning and reading as much as possible. I did find myself with a bit too much free time and not enough social interaction though. Skype has kept me going through times of loneliness and needing to be myself. I am blessed to have people in this world that make me laugh until my abs burn, that encourage me, that know me. 
 Art has been my comfort. Previously I thought that I was never truly able to express myself through art, but I realise now that I did. When I was happy I did and when I wasn't I didn't create. Now I create in the midst of all this chaos. Art has helped me grieve loss and come to terms with current circumstances. I have so many ideas for art projects, but until I get off my butt and do them they will remain simply ideas. I want to create an interactive art therapy journal filled with writing and drawing prompts, quotes, and colouring pages. I want to finally open my Etsy shop after working on it for so long, but for some reason being afraid to click the 'open now' button. 
 Jesus is good to me and his grace is all I want and all I need. He is always faithful and he will never change no matter where I am. I am thankful that he is the one constant I can always depend on. I am fully known and loved by him and that just completely covers any kind of discomfort I experience
I am on my Christmas break right now and I have been writing and ending photos in the lovely Oval Cafe in Harpenden. I never realised how easy it is work in a cafe. I don't know what it is, but the atmosphere just helps me focus. I have been so productive today. I am almost done with my last essay assignment, I finished editing another set of photos, added more listings to my Etsy shop, and I have the next few blog posts lined up. 
 It's December now, but I have been thinking back to October when these pictures were taken. The past is a lovely place to visit, but I don't want to live there. It's crazy how things change, I feel so different now just two months later. I actually read a book about this for one of my classes and Chapter 1 tackled the question, 'can we truly change and if yes, then how so?' But to be honest I don't remember enough of it to try to explain the psychological theories. My brain is on holiday mode which isn't helping with writing my essays. Note to self: finish your essays before you go home for break. 

 Ok I think I'll save the rest of my thoughts and musings for the nest post.  Enjoy these pictures and my random commentary.:) 



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